Is my heart that cold to deny someone to love me? Clearly I deserve everything that has come upon me in the last months. Beaten and broken is my heart that I do not care anymore. It is like the beat of my heart is still. Fingers placed on my face, cold and shivering, telling me it is going to be alright. It is going to be okay. I have made through a lot of lies anyways. Deceit and trickery, my mind plays games with me. It is my nature to fall in love, for I am lonely. As long as he is happy, as long as I forget. I sometimes chant these words in my head when I feel down.
Last week, I cut it off with some guy. He clearly showed interest in me from the beginning. I think I do not deserve such a wonderful boy to love me. Not yet. Not now. I have to focus on what is important. My friends need me. They need to see I am okay- I am happy- with this. I do not need their pity, nor can I afford it.
What am I saying?
Selfish, I am bitter. Hateful, I am cruel. Hypocrisy, I only know mistrust. I need them. I need them to be happy for me.
please don't look so
Your eyes tell me everything.
Please don't be sad.
Please act happy for me.